Here's my 3-step process for using considerate directness in feedback to improve working relationships.
Step 1️⃣: Talk tough without plunging into a blame game. Don't use blame language, like "you always ..." or "you never ..." Instead, use specific language like "the last time we worked on this project." Please keep it simple, give examples, and be clear on expectations.
Step 2️⃣: Be frank, but never mean. Remain calm and explicit. Diplomatically critical feedback does not mean you're a jerk. Handle these conversations like a coach, not a criminal justice official.
Step 3️⃣: Focus on behavior, not the person's personality. Focus on what behavior you want them to adopt in the future. Feedback is entirely about how we behave, not how we are. Discuss what matters most to you: "You didn't follow my instructions." You can expect less emotional impact when you talk about behaviors than when you focus on personalities.
You don't have to solve or fix the other person's problems; you must commit to yourself and the organization to succeed together.
If you want to be solid in your job and fit in the role of a good leader, work hard to learn emotional skills and prepare to face criticism. Then, use that knowledge to become a better leader and mentor.
🔓 You must take the first step.
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